"Tis better to have love and lost, than never be loved at all" - Tennyson

Wow.

Thank you all so much for your love and support. Family, friends, and strangers who stumbled upon me. You guys are all amazing.

I am excited to see what 2014 brings.

I was doing some heavy thinking last night, reading over an RA Facebook page I joined, reading over the messages my family sent me, and reading over the two comments I received on this blog. One thing stuck with me from what I've been researching, and that's to make sure you are surrounded by a network of support. No problem there.

So now to why I chose Tennyson's quotation for my header.

I've always been looking for love (haven't most of us?)

I've gone through a few relationships, and each one has helped me grow a little. But I'm worried.

I feel guilty. I know everyone deserves love, but I don't think I should. Right now this whole RA thing is new to me. I am not going to look for love, if I stumble upon it and the timing is right, fantastic. But I don't want to put anyone through this. I tend to not tell people how I'm feeling health-wise, I don't want to burden anyone.

I don't want to meet a guy, and put him through this. In relationships, you talk about things that are on your mind, you talk about how you are feeling, and I don't want to burden anyone, I feel bad enough that my parents have to worry, I'm trying to minimize casualties here.

And I know, I know it's not my fault. But something else I have learned recently as an adoptee who went to a support group is... adoptees are people-pleasers. Maybe it's because we don't really feel like part of a family? We feel like permanent guests? Whatever the reason, we are always trying to make everyone else around us happy.

Anyway.

Here's to falling in like or love in 2014.

Or to falling into a pile of marshmallows... mmm...